Thursday, 5 February 2009

1987: Sally Webster - Upwardly Mobile Harpie

Even way back in 1987, Mrs Sally Webster of Coronation Street, Weatherfield, was showing signs of being an upwardly mobile harpie. She'd come blinking from the shadows of Arkwright Street, straight from the bosom of a dog-rough family, to win her way into young Kevin's affections.

Even Hilda Ogden (or "Mrs Ogdin", as Sally called her) was soon on-side after initial suspicions. Kev and Sal married in 1986, moved into the flat over the Corner Shop the following year, and then the whinging, in Sally's inimitable (thank God) nasal twang, started.

In 1987, Sal wanted Kev to borrow £18,000 to buy Brian Tilsley's garage.

"You definitely promised me you were going to't bank to see about borrowin' some money!" said Sal, when Kev arrived home from grease monkeying one night.

"Yeah, well I went to the bank as a matter of fact!" snarled Kev, he of the '80s 'tache.

"Oh yer did, did yer? Now, did yer ask to see a bank manager?!" twanged Sal.

"No, I'll tell ya wot I did," replied Kev Magnum Webster, "I asked to see a bank statement! And you know how much we've got in there, you an' me, between us? Fifty-five pounds - and you expect me to ask the manager for £18,000?!! Me feet'ud never've touched the floor!"

Sal wasn't having any of this tripe. "Other people do it!" she squawked.

Kev looked amazingly like that bloke out of Hall & Oates as he told Sal all about himself: "Yeah, well I'm not other people, am I? I'm not one of these tycoons like Mike Baldwin! I'll tell you what I am - I'm the type of bloke who goes to work in the mornin', comes 'ome at night, gets 'is wages in his hand Friday afternoon... I'm not the type of bloke who goes poncin' around with bank managers, accountants and things like that!"

"Well, you could be!" whined Sal.

"Yeah, well I don't wanna be, do I?" bawled Kev, boinging about like Zebedee. "And you're wrong, 'cos if I tried it, it wouldn't work! So, if you don't like me the way I am, then you shouldn't've married me!"

And Kev went all dejected-looking.

"I do like ya!" said Sal, after a lengthy pause.

"I'll tell you summat else, as well," Kev started boinging again. "If I did what you wanted an' got a load of debt 'angin' round me neck, and went into this garage business... I'd make a mess of it. So it's no good you shovin' me into it!"

Another lengthy pause. Then Sal twanged back into action: "I do like you the way you are, Kev, honest I do!"

"Yeah, well, it's as well 'cos you're stuck with me now!" said Kev.

"Well, don't be grumpy!" wheedled Sal.

"I'm not!" The Tache was outraged.

"Yeah, you are!" said Sal, firmly.

Kev's fire died. "Come 'ere!" he said.

And the row was over.

But, as we all know, the trouble was just beginning.

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